Reader Q+A

All right one of the most common questions I get from my loyal readers is, "Rabbit-man, how do I create a homunculus?" Usually my answer to this question is why the hell do you want to make one, do you know all the stuff that you have to do, it's really really nasty, but today I have decided to tell you another way to create a homunculus. A way that does not involve putting semen into horse shit (seriously somebody did this), in fact it is a way that does not involve putting semen into anything (just about everyone who has made one has put it into something).

• All right first you should go over to your local graveyard, wait actually I meant go to your local starbucks. Alright you're at the starbucks right? Okay good. Now stand on a box, and take off your shoes. Now yell "PRESIDENT BUSH IS THE BEST PRESIDENT EVEERRR"
• Okay now head on over to the local KFC, when you are there order some chicken. Do you have the chicken all right cool. Now take the chicken and throw it into the cashiers face, and yell " I'M NOT EATING THIS CHICKEN, BECAUSE IT WAS TORTURED BEFORE IT DIED".
• Did you do that? Wow good work. All right now run over to the local best buy. Go to the CD section, and grab as many CDs as you possibly can, and stick them into your pants. Now RUUUNNNNN for the door, if you make it out, good job, leave the cd's under the rock at the local park the one right across the street from the wal-mart. The rock with the black mark on it, leave em right there.
• Now head over to the local chicken coop, and grab the fatest chicken you can find. Now take the chicken, and twist it's neck to the left, not the right, THE LEFT you idiot, god dangit the LEFT you stupid idiot, THE LEFT.
• Now dance around with the chicken, for a little bit. And chant ARISE GREAT CHICKEN ARISE NOW.
• The great chicken should arise, after you dance around for an hour or so. Now ask him to create a homunculus for you. Do not watch when he creates it, it will freak you out seriously, you do not want to see what it has to do. Did you read that stuff I wrote in that first paragraph? Yeah, it's like ten times worse than that seriously do not watch, or listen for that matter. After a little while you should have a homunculus.

A homunculus is a lot like a zombie, but it's stupider, and not quite as strong or durable for that matter, in fact why the heck do you want to make a homunculus anyway you freak, you should just make a zombie.