Rabbit-man, The "only reason you're around the cryptozoologists is because you are a FREAK, who needs to be researched, along with chupacabras, and magical frogs. That's why they put you in a cage, and observe you, RABBIT-MAN. That's just it. I'm a human, you're a rabbit-man. You're an unexplained creature, and needs to be lobotomized. That's all."-Vicous Dreamer

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Rabbit-man Manifesto Part VIII

Today I was sorting through the massive amounts of feedback mail that I recieve everyday, and I relized something truly horrifying. None of the people who wrote me knew how to properly create a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. So without further ado I present:

Rabbit-man's School of Peanutbutter & Jelly Sandwhiching for complete idiots: In 29.5 easy steps

  1. The first step is to collect your supplies. You will need crunchy peanut butter (smooth is for pansies), jelly, WHITE bread (no whole wheat you crazy hippies), and a KNIFE.
  2. To get the supplies head over to the local grocery store with a friend. When you enter the store, grab all the items you need, and place a few other things in your friends hands. Now push him out of the door to the grocery. This should trigger the alarms, once the alarms are triggered the security should be too distracted with your friend to care about you, and you can escape with the supplies.
  3. Now that you have assembled all of the supplies you will need to test the sharpness of the knife. First grab it and rub it against your neck. If your neck starts to bleed, then the knife is sharp.
  4. Clean the knife
  5. Now that you have the knife in your hand raise it above your head and chase the nearest person. Make sure you yell, "AGGHHHHH!!!!!", it's important.
  6. After you finish chasing the other person grab a sledgehammer. Walk over to the peanut butter jar, and smash it, also smash the jelly after you smash the peanut butter. Then smash your left hand (you won't need it for the rest of the project).
  7. Now take the peanutbutter and scrape it off the walls, and place it on the white bread that you got in step 2

You now have a peanutbutter and jelly sandwich aren't you special. Oh you think your so great don't you....Well idiot remember who told you that trick. YEAH your good friend RABBIT-MAN.

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Rabbit-man, the man, the myth, the legend..

Hello everyone, recently I stumbled upon some comic book covers that depicted me in my youth, when I was fighting Nazis. Marvel at my powers, I mean How many bloggers can say that they punched Hitler in the face. I'll tell you how many, 1.....ME RABBIT-MAN *insert heroic music*

Also this picture is for you young'uns who don't remember me in my Nazi fighting days.

So any way my point is I am so freaking awesome. I have a semi successful blog, and I have taken down two world tyrants/dictators. How can anyone dislike me Rabbit-man........RABBIT-MAN.....

Everyone take note, I Rabbit-man will be the Ruler of all Blogs.


Rabbit-man Sez volume 1

So I have been absolutely flooded with mail from readers recently, most of them saying how great I am, and how they quote me so people will think they are smart, and how charasmatic I am....I could go on and on, but don't worry, I will talk about how great I am in a future post, or maybe I won't. Yeah what are you gonna do about it punk.....yeah that's what I thought.

So where was I..oh yes the topic of the column...uhhhh. yes okay....I remember now, you see recently I recieved an e-mail from a reader that said...
"Hey Rabbit-man, you are so awesome, but whenever I tell people that I read blogs at school they say 'blogs are for loosers who have no friends'. Is this true Rabbit-man, do you have no friends?"-signed dumbass

Well Mr. Dumbass, let me answer your question.... Yes you have no friends, but do not fret, because I Rabbit-man will give you some of my friends. Yes I think I have 590 something friends on this blog, so feel free to take some, it's not like I'm using them anyway.....Wait....oh snap...I'm sorry Mr. Dumbass I misread your question....DID YOU JUST SAY THAT I DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS, WHAT THE F***. LET ME SEE IF I UNDERSTAND YOUR LOGIC, BECAUSE I SLAVE AWAY AT THE COMPUTER FOR A COUPLE OF MINUTES, EACH WEEK, THIS MEANS I HAVE NO FRIENDS. NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh man let me think for a minute here, I think I had a friend once, but then I realized I was too cool for them, yeah that's right, and after I defeated him in a steel cage texas death match, we weren't friends anymore. Anyway, I don't have time for friends. Look at this sample of how my time is divided out between other activities.

Insane ranting on the street-7%
Friends- 0%!!!!!

You can't be a successful cryptozoologist and have a whole, bunch of friends it's impossible!! No shut up, I said it is impossible DAMNIT!!!!The world is safer with Rabbit-man the Cryptozoologist, not Rabbit-man, the friend running around.
I hope I have answered your question Mr. Dumbass, and if I didn't, then too bad, because the column is over. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA