Rabbit-man Theme song of DOOM!!!

She packed my bags last night pre-flight
Zero hour nine a.m.
And I’m gonna be high as a kite by then
I miss the earth so much I miss my wife
It’s lonely out in space
On such a timeless flight
And I think it’s gonna be a long long time
Till touch down brings me round again to find
I’m not the man they think I am at home
Oh no no no I’m a Rabbit-man
Rabbit-man burning out his fuse up here alone
Mars ain’t the kind of place to raise your kids

In fact it’s cold as hell
And there’s no one there to raise them if you did
And all this science I don’t understand
It’s just my job five days a week
A Rabbit-man, a Rabbit-man
And I think it’s gonna be a long long time...

Reader Q+A

All right one of the most common questions I get from my loyal readers is, "Rabbit-man, how do I create a homunculus?" Usually my answer to this question is why the hell do you want to make one, do you know all the stuff that you have to do, it's really really nasty, but today I have decided to tell you another way to create a homunculus. A way that does not involve putting semen into horse shit (seriously somebody did this), in fact it is a way that does not involve putting semen into anything (just about everyone who has made one has put it into something).

• All right first you should go over to your local graveyard, wait actually I meant go to your local starbucks. Alright you're at the starbucks right? Okay good. Now stand on a box, and take off your shoes. Now yell "PRESIDENT BUSH IS THE BEST PRESIDENT EVEERRR"
• Okay now head on over to the local KFC, when you are there order some chicken. Do you have the chicken all right cool. Now take the chicken and throw it into the cashiers face, and yell " I'M NOT EATING THIS CHICKEN, BECAUSE IT WAS TORTURED BEFORE IT DIED".
• Did you do that? Wow good work. All right now run over to the local best buy. Go to the CD section, and grab as many CDs as you possibly can, and stick them into your pants. Now RUUUNNNNN for the door, if you make it out, good job, leave the cd's under the rock at the local park the one right across the street from the wal-mart. The rock with the black mark on it, leave em right there.
• Now head over to the local chicken coop, and grab the fatest chicken you can find. Now take the chicken, and twist it's neck to the left, not the right, THE LEFT you idiot, god dangit the LEFT you stupid idiot, THE LEFT.
• Now dance around with the chicken, for a little bit. And chant ARISE GREAT CHICKEN ARISE NOW.
• The great chicken should arise, after you dance around for an hour or so. Now ask him to create a homunculus for you. Do not watch when he creates it, it will freak you out seriously, you do not want to see what it has to do. Did you read that stuff I wrote in that first paragraph? Yeah, it's like ten times worse than that seriously do not watch, or listen for that matter. After a little while you should have a homunculus.

A homunculus is a lot like a zombie, but it's stupider, and not quite as strong or durable for that matter, in fact why the heck do you want to make a homunculus anyway you freak, you should just make a zombie.

Zombiieess!!!

Recently I have confronted my archenemy vicious Dreamer on the american red army blog. While we were discussing something, vicious dreamer claimed that an archbishop of the catholic church can become a zombie. I'll give you a second to contemplate this...

First off an archbishop cannot be made into a zombie. Do you have any idea on how much the church protects against this. They would not let any one of their members become zombies, maybe they would let one of those deacon guys become one , but other wise they won't. To get around the church's zombie safeguards a zombie priest would have to dance around with a dead chicken at least twice as long as normal. The total amount of time doing all of this could be spent taking over the world with a zombie army.

If I had a zombie army I would take over the world. You know how easy it is? Zombies are so stupid, you could make them do anything. If you are bored have your zombies fight each other, that is always fun to watch, or you could have them reenact your favorite movies. Why use a DVD player when you can have your army of zombies recreate your favorite battle scenes from the lord of the rings trilogy, in full 3D action.

See look at this zombies devouring helpless tourists. Why do they look so happy though? They should be scarred dammit. Do they know what horrors await them as zombie slaves? Guess not.

A NEW BATTLE

Vicious dreamer has just posted the most malicious and vile attack ad against me on his blog. Now it is time friends, time to destroy Vicious Dreamer, and stop his mad campaign against me.

Vicious Dreamer you should listen to that wise man I've displayed in my picture. There is no safe place for you to hide. I can find you in your blog, or at the I HATE PORK blog, There will be no peace for you as long as my Rabbit-heart beats.

You think you are safe at your home. Well let me show you what happened to another enemy of mine Vicious Dreamer.

Do you think he survived?

Remember I am part Rabbit, and as such I can communicate with animals. You had better watch out. That cute little puppy across the street, that caged gorilla at the zoo, those adorable little ferrets in their seemingly secure cages, they are all after you now Vicious Dreamer.

YOU WILL PAY!!!!

WHAT THE F***

Is this a new cryptid? What do you the common people think of the fearsome PAN-DOG.

Don't Panic Friends

Recently I annexed a small portion of the I hate pork blog, and have joined forces with them. Do not worry about me. I did not give in to their crazy demands. I envision my role in their blog as a conservative counter to all the rampant radicalism that is running the place. Do not fear friends. I will be in control of the I love I hate pork section that will now be known as I really hate I HATE PORK.

Thank you

What the Heck

I did not watch President Bush's state of the Union yesterday, but according to the Daily Show with Jon Stewart, Bush said something to the extent of "Human animal hybrids are really really bad"(not quoted verbatim). What the Heck. Apparently Bush has alligned himself with the I HATE PORKers against me.
Right now your probably thinking, "well rabbit-man has a good point, and he's so smart,and good looking, and really manly, and very strong, and he never asks for directions like a real man, but isn't he being kind of paranoid?"
My answer to you "No you stupid idiots NO, NO, NOOOOOOO."
You see Pres. Bush has recently filed several motions to monitor Google, Yahoo, and MSN internet searches. He says it is to sort out people searching for internet pornography, but I know better. He is spying on me, Rabbit-Man through the internets.
Somehow those I HATE PORKers have convinced Pres. Bush to join forces with them against me. Yes yes its all true. Why else would he say "Human animal hybrids are really really bad"(not quoted verbatim)? He has obviously been listening to Vicious Dreamers rants about me. All that I have to say is this, "Pres. Bush I have been a loyal subject, and I'm not a terrorist like those I HATE PORKers, why do you have to speak against me? As a half human half rabbit super being I have no control over how I came into being, so why do you forsake me?"

Do any of you the common people disagree/agree with me ? Feel free to drop a dime in my awesome post section.